Sunday, September 26, 2010

one day your life will flash before your eyes

it's been a week. exactly 7 days ago and on my birthday i experienced losing someone so close to me. we all knew it was time, time to accept what was coming, time to let him rest peacefully. i don't know what i feel, because i keep seeing his ernie bott face and i keep thinking that the next time i go home to boston, he'll be sitting there telling me how tall i am (all 5'3" of me) and asking me what some english word means. he was the greatest human being i've ever met. he didn't smoke, drink, cuss, or gamble. besides that, i think the most honorable trait was that in the 20 years that i knew him, i never once heard him speak an ill word about someone or treat anyone without respect and kindness. he took care of his family working from the ground up. and never once have i heard anyone say a bad thing about him. i can't sum up what an amazing man he was. he lived as a saint and i'm sure he's a saint now. i still remember him taking the T all the way to cambridge to pick me up from school, cane in hand, baseball cap on. I would always get so sleepy on the greenline and he would have to drag my twatty butt back to mason place. i will always remember him watching basketball (chicago bulls fan) in his favorite green chair, handwashing his clothes well into his 90's, or getting up every morning to buy the chinese newspaper and perhaps a cha shiu bao or dan tat for dicky and i. i was so lucky to have gone back to the place in china where he raised his family and to spend that amazing summer reliving his past with him. my only regret is not spending more time with him towards the end. I love him so much and i'm so thankful to have met such an angel in my life. my grams told me that him passing on my birthday is his present for me to live, so that every year, as i grow another year older, his dream lives on. he wanted us to live honorable and simple lives, educating ourselves to become better people. i only hope to be half the person he was and i hope to pass on his message to my kids. his birthday gift was that he brought all of my uncles and aunt together in a way i never thought possible (despite the family drama), it was my first birthday where they were all there with me and he in spirit (i wouldn't ask for anymore). when people ask you who your hero is or who you aspire to be, you often hear a celebrity or some famous figure, but i can 110% say that he's mine and everything about this man was real, honest, and good to the core. just when i was losing faith in family, my culture, and where i came from, he renewed my faith. i miss him so much and its lonely to being here by myself, but i know he's want me to be strong and to be happy for the amazing 20 years that i got to spend with him and the 98 years (+2, 1 from the heavens and 1 from the earth) that he graced this earth with his presence. tomorrow they will bury you and i wish i was there, it's finally kicking in that you're gone but i'll always be there with you to hold your hand just i did when i was 5 years old.

“You can shed tears that he is gone,
or you can smile because he has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that he'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all he's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see him,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember him only that he is gone,
or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what he'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.”

-David Harkins

so gramps:
I love you and I miss you.
I will always hear your voice in my head
and remember your ernie bott face and mica feet.
I will try my best to live a life that you would be proud of.
May you watch over our entire family, bring us together
and may you forever rest in peace.

ka wing

Friday, September 17, 2010

staying strong for each other

hey god,

its me again. i don't if you're really up there, i want to believe you are.
please just give us some more time to all be there by his side.

please let my grandma in HK know that we're there.

they're good people.

that's my birthday wish.

Victoria K. L

Thursday, September 9, 2010

seems like everyone's for themselves these days...

greetings again!

it has been far too long and much has happened in my otherwise dull life.

pretty epic summer, saw a lot of people, ate a lot food, went to alotta places, and most importantly, gained a whole new perspective (oh and about an additional 6 lbs, sorry family.) i will update soon with pictures, hopefully...

its the beginning to another school year and its not starting off the way i would like it to. i wish i had my family and friends with me, because they are without a doubt the most important part of my life. And by friends i mean the ones who've stuck by you, take you for who you are no matter what, make you laugh at yourself, and the ones who after being apart for long, it feels as if nothing's changed.

so shout out to everyone who truly matter:

mumsicles & dadsicles
despite my anger towards how gosh darn annoying you two are, i will always miss your "ways" wherever i go and your words of wisdom are always in my head. you might not think it, but i'm listening.

presh little brother, Dicky
you make me so mad sometimes with your obnoxious teenage puberty self, but i'm glad to see how close we are. you are the most special person i've ever met. thanks for the laughs.

guido cousins
jess, jenn, bev, bren for the relationship we have compared to peanuts...and for always being there to play taboo with.

my potato pals (the ones that i actually stayed friends w/after high school and made the effort to make our friendship last)
most importantly- Burkey Turkey, Buhbies, & the Apester, ya'll are RIDICULOUS.
double c's, dewek, brown suga, sometimes the italian stallion and miss. 2.0 avril.

kwastal/moesha/sista from anotha motha
you made my life in maryland bearable. thank you for EVERYTHING

cousins back in the homeland for being AMAZING FOBS, i mean that.
all my aunts and uncles who take such good care of us every time we go back to HK. truly gives me that warm and family feel. some of my happiest moments are with you all.

grandparents-for teaching my parents the morals and values that hopefully will be passed onto me to become a better person.

the aunts & uncles that have no family relation but nevertheless, treat me as if i were their own-
Susie Yee Yee & Uncle Richard, Gracie Yee Yee & Uncle Frankie, Ruby Yee Yee & Family (Jane), godfather David & Auntie Holly (plus Carmen).

i don't know where this post comes from but i think after some reflection on my life, i needed to lay out those who are apart of MY family (blood relation or not). everyone who i owe so much of my happiness to and gave me the feeling that i'm never alone wherever i go. i've realized that money seems to tear so many people apart or their selfish and cheap ways drive people away. the people listed have never been "cheap" or have been stingy with the relationship, whether they have it or not, have been more then willing to put others before themselves. thanks guys for being such great people for me to compare which relationships are real and which are simply not meant to last. people will come and go in my life, but hopefully i can hold onto you all.

WICKED CHEESY but it must be said...

until next time

Peace & Love Always,