Sunday, July 3, 2011

i just don't know

they say writing it all down can be therapeutic, so here goes.

i don't want pity. i don't want to be the person that everyone raises an eyebrow around. i just want to keep living life with happiness. i wish i could just run away from it all or snap my fingers and make it all go away but most of all i wish i was stronger. every one has their problems and struggles it's just hard to stomach when you go out and see how much better off they seem. or maybe its me. maybe its why i'm so fucked up sometimes. maybe its why i'm such a bitter and angry person. i laugh because i don't know what else to do. i joke because i need a break from feeling so damn helpless and to mask how much i hate my life sometimes. yeah, i know i'm still blessed and have it so much better than so many other, whatever. i can't bring myself to trust anyone to talk about the problems i apparently cannot handle. they'll judge me, i would too. i just hope it will eventually get better. i hope there is someone out there to make it better. i don't know why i'm writing this as i hear fireworks in the background, i just don't even know where else to turn besides my blog. pretty pathetic. i'm sure its going to be a happy happy holiday weekend for everyone. i just wish i was one of them.

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